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Building Your Relationships During COVID
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Are you happy…yet? When I was just a child, well-meaning adults would often stop me to ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And with all the confidence only children have, I’d reply: “I want to be happy.” It seemed so simple all those years ago, but the older I’ve gotten the further out of reach happiness has often felt.
I’m not alone. Researchers have suggested that happiness is the primary motivator of human behavior. After all, the measure of a good decision is whether it brings you pleasure, happiness, joy, or contentment. And yet, on average, studies have found only a third of us report being happy.
So, is happiness really a goal we should be chasing or is it a fool’s errand?
“Happiness is good for you, and the world,” explained Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener when I interviewed him to commemorate the incredible achievements of his father, Dr. Ed Diener, who was one of the world’s leading happiness researchers. “For example, happiness has a direct and causal impact on your health. It also causes you to do better at work, behave more positively with other people, be more willing to help or volunteer, and donate money to worthy causes.”
The good news is that decades of research by Ed and his colleagues, have found that despite the reported rates of mental illness and other social challenges, most (yet certainly not all) people are at least mildly happy.
The challenge is that we each have a genetic “set point” for happiness that is our natural “landing place.” Based on the different experiences in our life, the circumstances we find ourselves in, and the choices that we make, our happiness ebbs and flows within this range as life unfolds.
“While significant events may shift your set point range, but for most people it is relatively steady,” explained Robert. “After strongly negative experiences, we adapt back to our happiness set point, which is what enables us to be resilient. And by the same token, after strongly positive experiences our happiness levels tend to adapt back.”
So how can we make the most of the happiness we have?
Based on Ed’s research, Robert suggested:
Are you happy enough?